I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of Here! Batsy N Joker
by MelissaLianne
Summary: You've heard right! The Joker and Bruce Wayne are back for yet another epic random adventure - forget big brother - this time the pair and all of the rest ie Rachel, Harvey, Gordon are back for the jungle madness with the worst tasks... R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** _I know, I know, where have I been recently on this little community? Infact, I must confess, I have been around, reading a few fanfictions here and there along with the occasional review, but otherwise I just haven't really been partcipiating within he community, and so I apologize unreservedly! Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, last night I had this pretty whacky dream about the Joker and um ... yeah. With regards to my last few fanfics (ie: the joker and batman in the big brother house, the dark knight – the second philosophy) I guess they're just on hiatus. For now. Oh, and in response to 101 dates with CJS... well, I haven't been able to upload that certain file. HOWEVER, right now I have two free periods and seeing as I have nothing to do, I figured I'd do some writing. So, yeah. Completely off the top of my head and purely imagination based. And maybe, just maybe, it'll satisfy._

**Disclaimer **– Obviously, I don't own TDK.

**Concludes** – Mild language.

**Pairings** – (unofficially) DopeyxAlfred, RachelxHarvey...__

**Characters** – Rachel Dawes, Harvey Dent, the Joker. Bruce Wayne, Alfred, Lucius Fox, Commissioner "James" Gordon., Danielle (OC/based on real friend), Myself, Stephanie, Sami, Dopey, Happy, Sad, Grumpy, Ant and Dec, Camera Crew.

**Location** – I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of Here! [Reality television show were celebrities are placed in the jungle with horrendous tasks to follow!]

**Timeline – **present

_(Damn. I wish I had my iPod.)_

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo  
**3...2...1... Now on air!**

"And welcome to the show that has been revived due to your support! RIGHT then, shall we get straight on to the characters, Dec?"

"I think we should, Anty boy! Speaking of Ant's..." the young presenter sidestepped to avoid a giant red ant that was crawling towards him, "This season of I'm a Celebrity get me out of here will simply be PLAGUED with all kinds of creepy crawlies, mud, some more mud and... horrible tasks! So, sit back in your seats ladies and gentlemen, and be prepared to laugh the evening away!"

Ant smiled towards the camera, ruffling his dark hair. "I reckon we should go and meet the contestants, what say you Dec?"

"What say I? I fancy some good pie."

"Come on!" Ant smirked and dug Dec in the ribs.

And the two young presenters set off across a wooden bridge, which swayed side to side. The cameraman had difficulty following and the camera shook slightly as a gust of unexpected wind blew them all to the side of the bridge. "Nearly there... this ain't half like an expedition!" Ant was frowning and wiping rain splatters off his face. "Dec...?" He spoke from the side of his mouth to his best friend and co worker, making sure – or at least, trying to hide the conversation from the camera crew, "This isn't that whacky lot from Big Brother, is it?"

"Shh! It might just be..."

They crossed the bridge eventually and headed over to a canopy of trees. They entered the clearing were a group of people were sitting together, some looking angry, others looking slightly dreamy, and some relaxed. Relatively.

"Hey gang! Excited for the series of one of the best television series ever?" Ant smiled encouragingly at the participants, his perfect smile lighting up his features considerably. One man, who was perched on a rock as if he was a character from Baywatch, jumped down and strode over to him, his long purple coat already covered in mud splashes. His face was pale, as if some kind of paint had been plastered over it, and his eyes were darker than ever, the dark eye shadow clouded around even more than usual. His lips were scarlet and his scars had grown longer. He smiled at the two presenters, licking his lips and baring his yellow stained teeth in what could have been a 'pleasant' grimace. "I can't say I am _pa-tic-u-lar-ly_ excited... I don't have time for television... but as long as I can feed The Batman to a crocodile or two, I have no reason to be angry..."

A tinkling laugh sounded and the camera men turned the cameras towards a young petite woman with brown hair and glittering eyes. "You're permanently angry, be it because you're on another reality television show, you haven't bombed anyone recently, or because you're out of candy."

The Joker glared at her and darted in front of the camera, determined for all attention to be on him. "This thing on?" he asked Dec, knocking on the screen noisily. The camera man moved away and zoomed in on the other participants.

"Um, yeah, we've already started filming..." replied Dec.

Danielle, the youngest of the group at just thirteen, was sitting calmly next to Commissioner Gordon, reading his newspaper in interest. She glanced at the camera and smiled, waving shyly. "Hello!"

Harvey snorted, his pompous features lengthening into a smug smirk. "This is going to be a doddle. Nothing more than a couple 'o rattlesnakes and cockroaches. Nothing is too much for me."

"Of course!" shrieked the Joker excitedly, "Nothing is too much for the HARVEYmeister! Is that what they called you at school, mmm? Or was it the size of your chin that put them off?"

This threw Harvey for a moment. "The size of my chin? Christ, man, what has that got to do with it?"

The Joker burped in his face – bits of onion and carrot stick covering Harvey's face. "EVERYTHING, HARVEY, EVERYTHING!"

Bruce looked disgusted; he was sitting on a clean rock and somehow had managed not to dirty his clothes like everybody else. He sat there with aristocratic features and as he did, he set a scowl upon the Joker. "Don't be so immature. There's nothing wrong with Harvey's chin."

"Excooose me?" giggled the Joker, "Who asked YOU, Batsy darling?"

"What's so bad about my Harvey's chin, then?" interjected Rachel, looking quite furious and determined for her size.

Dec and Ant exchanged looks; the cameramen filmed the dispute with interest.

"Well, _Ruh-achel_," the Joker grabbed Rachel by her skinny arms and pulled her tightly towards him, one hand snaking around her waist and the other hand holding her chin and forcing her to look up at the night sky. "See that, _Ruh-achel_? See the sky?" He spun her around, giggling, before stopping her. "We are the centre of the world's axis... and so is Harvey's chin. Infact, Harvey's chin is probably responsible for the gravitational speed at which we are currently _bal-anced_."

"You're not making any sense!" Rachel pulled away and sat next to Harvey.

"I think he is," replied Danielle softly, not looking up.

Rachel snorted. "Is that so, kiddo? Prove it to me then."

"If my science lessons at school are correct," said Danielle slowly, "I am right within thinking that because Harvey's chin is so massive, the world is balanced on top of it. No offence, Harvey."

Harvey frowned while the Joker shrieked with uncontrollable laughter. "EXACTLY what I was trying to say! But I was being more polite about it, see."

Ant raised his eyebrows and went to speak but was interrupted by Dopey, who had been staring at the night sky. "I think Danielle and Joker are right..." he returned to utter silence, and everyone nodded.

"Yeah, Dopey, you're the man!" Bruce clapped Dopey on the back, and Dopey started, evidently terrified of physical contact.

"Nicely said, Dopey," said Alfred blushingly, looking at Dopey admiringly.

"Um, guys, we need to interview you..." Dec cleared his throat and the group looked at him, as if only just remembering he and Ant, and the rest of the crew, had been standing there.

Lucius smiled politely. "That'll be no problem, Dec."

The Joker mimicked this. "That'll be NO problem, Decsy darling!"

Lucius ignored him.

Gordon glanced up from his newspaper (page six) and smiled calmly. "That'll be interesting... hey, these guys—" he indicated the group, "Is that it? I'm sure someone's missing..."

Mel, Sami and Steph, who had been sitting relatively quietly near Lucius and Grumpy, smirked and exchanged glances.

"How did... how did you sit there all along without ME, ZI JOKER, NOTICING?" The Joker glared at them all, sticking out his bottom lip in the manner of a small child.

Steph ignored him, but spoke directly to Gordon. "David's missing, that's for sure. Where is David, anyway?"

Sami scowled. "You mean, THE DOCTOR, not David..."

Steph rolled her eyes. "They're the same people—"

"Shush!" Sami flapped her hands and Steph watched with fascination, but silenced promptly, and went back to her book.

"Well!" said Ant, sitting next to Bruce, "Perhaps you can tell us a little about what you're expecting to happen on the show?"

Bruce shifted his weight and looked slightly uncomfortable, but answered in his posh tone. "Well, I'm expecting it to be very dirty..."

The Joker's eyes widened. "Ah. So that's why the girls are here."

Mel hit him on the arm and flicked her hair over her shoulders. "Perlease," she said with distinction, "That's what the boys are here for, darling."

"Don't call me darling..." the Joker edged away from her, looking scared.

"And, uh," Bruce swallowed, "I'm hoping to rekindle a certain romance."

Dec beamed. "Wahey! JUST what we wanted to hear!"

Bruce frowned. "Are you taking the Mickey?"

"OH MICKEY YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND HEY MICKEY, HEY HEY MICKEY!" Surprisingly, it wasn't the Joker who had burst into song, but it was Lucius. He winked and then silenced, twiddling his thumbs.

"No, no, not at all Bruce, pal!" Dec looked hassled. "Um, so who is this special lady?"

"That's not your place to comment," snapped Rachel, turning red.

"Oh, disgusting." The Joker waggled his fingers about and pointed at Rachel. "You, my dear, are the definition of a lurve rat. Particularly the rat bit."

Alfred rested a hand on Rachel's knee and stopped her from getting up to whack the Joker over the head with the nearest heaviest object. This happened to be a block of wood...

"Well, thanks for that," said Dec slightly sarcastically. He glanced at his watch, and then quickly looked at Steph and Gordon. "Well, yeah, in answer to your question, there'll be a ton of men tomorrow! I can promise ya that!"

Dopey shrieked and everyone looked – a ladybug had landed on his am.

Steph beamed. "I hope it's The Doctor..."

"In the white coat," said Gordon cruelly.

"It could be..." stated Dec casually.

"Or it could be someone so much better!" Ant winked and then glanced at the camera. "Right guys that's all we've got time for as this was only an introductory episode, but be sure to tune in tomorrow to see what kind of grizzly tasks will be taking place, and just who the new additions to the show will be! See ya next time!"

"And we're off air..." The cameraman looked relieved and after packing away the equipment with the team members, headed straight towards the hidden bar in the jungle. Several beers and a downing of vodka were in order.

"Do we get any vodka too?" asked the Joker hopefully, batting his eyelashes at Dec.

"No, sorry," replied Dec with an expression which had suddenly hardened with frostiness. "You might wanna behave yourself on air, 'Joker'; the public viewers may be insulted by your personality..."

"And yet!" the Joker stood up and whacked Alfred around the head with a tea towel which had appeared from no were, "I'm the person who brings in the most viewers!"

Danielle smirked. "I wonder why that is?"

The Joker frowned. "Don't push your luck, SpongeBob Bigpants!"

"Oh, very immature!" said Sami, leaning forward and retrieving a bottle of fresh water from her backpack.

Bruce tapped her on the arm. "I wouldn't drink that, Joker added a maggot to it before."

"GROSS!" Sami jumped to her feet and threw the bottle at Joker. He skipped around like a ballerina feigning injury and waved the bottle in the air like a white flag. Dopey and Alfred watched happily, quite content to stay quiet.

Mel began to chew on an apple thoughtfully before standing up and waltzing over to were Lucius was sitting. "Hey Lucius."

"Hey Mel. Enjoying the show so far?" he smiled at her in a friendly way, rubbing his hands together as the fire burnt out.

"It's pretty good," she replied, rubbing her cheek a little, "But do you think Joker is constantly going to be harassing Rachel and Harvey?"

"Yep!" the Joker bounded over and sat next to Mel, his eyes glittering. "Don't tell anyone," he said quietly, "But I've put a slug on Rachel's head."

Dopey shot the Joker a look before leaning against Alfred, sighing in content. Bruce wiped his tuxedo jacket free of any dirt (despite the fact that there was none) and then smirked in what appeared to be mild humour. "You are cruel at times, Joker, do you know that?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I do actually. Not particularly bothered about it but what can you do, eh? Hey Batsy? BATSY?"

Bruce ignored him.

"Fuh-ine then, be that way..."

Commissioner Gordon folded his newspaper up (page seven) and glanced towards were the second (or was it the third) conflict of the day was unfolding. "You lot have problems, I hope you know that."

"Oh, they know Gordon..." Rachel looked at them with a dark expression on her serious face, "They just enjoy making fools out of themselves..."

"On the contrary," said Alfred, "I think they're just being themselves and having fun."

Rachel rolled her eyes but Danielle spoke up, a grin visible on her impish features. "Yeah Rachel – fun – you might want to try it some time!"

Lucius sighed. "Can we stop arguing for just ten minutes? I want to get some shut eye..."

Grumpy and Happy exchanged looks with one another and then nodded in sync. "We want some sleep too," they said simultaneously, before falling off the log and falling asleep somewhat instantly. Danielle looked un-nerved and edged away.

"Where... excuse me, Mr Wayne?" she asked timidly, smiling at Bruce who was sending death glares to the Joker, "Where do we sleep?"

Bruce glanced at the thirteen year old and nodded to no one in particular. "Uh, well... good question. No actually, that IS a good question. OI! ANT!"

Ant turned around from the studio house which was nearby. "Yes, Mr Dwayne?"

Bruce scowled. "It's Wayne."

"Whatever – what do you want?"

"Where do we sleep?"

"Well, the tents aren't ready yet," Ant stuck his head out of the window and smirked, "So you'll just have to sleep on the floor tonight..."

"THE FLOOR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Rachel stood up and began to walk towards were the studio house was but as she strode forwards she lost her footing (thanks to the Joker sticking his foot out) and fell flat on her face. Ant and Dec tried to disguise their laughter as coughing.

"Way to go, _Ruh-achel_," said the Joker cruelly, smirking. "OH, by the way, if you want to wear your, ahem, foundation... I wouldn't..."

"And why," snapped Harvey, switching into defence mode for his girlfriend, "Is that?"

"I spat in it!" the Joker rolled around laughing in hysteria. Mel tried not to smile and Steph merely looked bored. Sami, however, was redirecting the conversation back towards Ant and Dec. "Um – so we have to sleep on the floor? No sleeping bags, nothing?"

Dec looked almost apologetic. "Yeah – sorry."

"That's the stupidest thing I've heard in my life," muttered Bruce, "My lawyers will be hearing about this!"

Danielle smiled at Alfred. "Alfred, do you have any chocolate? I usually have some before going to sleep, you see."

Alfred nodded happily. "Sure do – just a tick –" he delved into his waistcoat pocket and produced a half eaten bar of Cadburys, frowning. "I don't remember it being half eaten... but feel free to have the rest..."

At this point, the Joker wiped his mouth and sat next to Steph, making kissy kissy faces at her.

"ALRIGHT!" an unseen voice echoed across the jungle and everyone glanced around, curious. "THE FLOOD LIGHTING WILL BE TURNED OFF IN A MINUTE, SO FIND SOMEWERE COMFORTABLE TO SLEEP OR BE TRUELY LOST IN THE DARKNESS!"

Rachel glared at the Joker. "If you try anything funny..."

"Don't worry." Harvey put an arm around Rachel, "That won't be the case."

"Wouldn't want to anyway!" snapped the Joker, curling up like a cat on the sharpest rock.

3...2...1...

"Goodnight!"

"Ow! Who's kicking me?"

"He-ha-he-ha..."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _Sorry for the wait. I've been busy... I'm currently writing a Fanfiction on 'The Holiday' – has anyone seen it? And finishing off my batsy n joker in the BB house story. Huh... well, review away!_

**Disclaimer **– Read the first chapter for the g-damn disclaimer! It makes me sad having to copy and paste it... just kidding.

_(Damn. Now I REALLY wish I had my iPod.)_

ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo  
**3...2...1... Now on air!**

For the contestants of _I'm a Celebrity, get me out of Here, _they weren't having the best time of their life, which was for sure.

This was because it was raining heavily, and everyone was completely drenched. Even Rachel suffered, her hair completely ruined, along with her expensive suit. Everyone – apart from Bruce – had mud over their faces and clothes, and although they obviously hated the dire weather, they weren't complaining. The camp was almost silent, apart from the video camera clicking into life, and the gentle sound of snoring...

"Hey Dec! Someone's already up!" Ant glanced at the camera, a cheeky grin lighting up his features. "Shall we take a closer look?"

"I think _you_ should Ant, while I head off to round up the extra contestants." Dec nodded towards the camera and then headed off to the studio house, a warm mug of tea in his hand. Ant nodded towards the camera crew and then headed down the wooden stairs silently towards the camp. "Right..." he glanced at the camera and pulled his hood down before raising the microphone towards his mouth. "Now folks, I know usually there's no particular time for the contestants to get out of bed – or should I say, off the damp Jungle floor! But to spice things up, Dec and I decided to have an alarm wake everyone up at seven am precisely. The sound at moment is default – and everybody knows how annoying the AOL dialup sound is, especially on 100% volume! So, just a second guys, and we'll start the sound..."

"Hold it." George, the Boom Operator, spoke up and gestured with a spare hand towards the camp. "Ant, I think somebody's awake..."

The cameraman turned and just in time, he caught footage that would shock the nation. A man, completely pale bar scarred lips and obscene, untouched black eye shadow, was sashaying over the logs and rocks, wearing nothing but bright pink underpants which fashioned silver stars and sparkles. As if this wasn't bad enough, he was singing...

("Christ," said Jamie, the production assistant, "I thought Big Brother was bad...")

"RAAAAAINDROPS on roses and whiskers on kittens ... bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens! Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things!" The Joker was pirouetting around the camp like a ballerina, pointing his toes and leaping gracefully.

Only, it wasn't so graceful. Just at that moment, Harvey sat up, yawning loudly. On a good day, he could feature an ex Calvin Klein model. On a bad day, he was remiscent of a Hippo. Guess which day he was having?

"OH HARVEY DAHLING! Come and sing with me! _Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels—_"The Joker twirled around, pulling Harvey to his feet and trying to twirl him as well.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Rachel sat up on her elbows, looking pouty. She glanced at her mud splashed watch – 6.57am. "I thought this show meant the participiants could have a lie in..." she glanced at the Joker, "Obviously not with you around."

"Come on _Ruh-achel..._ why so serious?" he flashed a grin at her before striding towards Danielle, who was now sitting up on a rock, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to dislodge the mud somebody had thrown at her during the night... "Danielle, my special buddy!" he put an arm around her shoulder, still smiling.

Danielle raised an eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"The question is... what do _you_ want, Danielle darling?" he waggled his eyebrows at her and she broke out into a wide smile.

"Some chocolate, which sure wouldn't go a miss..." she glanced at Alfred hopefully, who was attempting to straighten his crumpled tie.

"Sorry," said Alfred apologetically, "I'm all out."

The Joker opened his mouth but didn't reply, so he mimed Harvey with a gormless, wide-mouthed expression.

"Trying to catch flies?" Bruce glared at the Joker, smoothing his perfect suit, "You're so..."

"Delightful? Fun? Spontaneous? Exciting? Daring?" the Joker smiled hopefully, licking his lips.

"I was going to say annoying," replied Bruce flatly.

Ant and the camera crew approached the sleepy participiants with wide grins and otherwise innocent expressions. "Hey guys! Good sleep?"

"It could have been better..." replied Dopey mysteriously.

Alfred winked at him and squeezed his hand, his complexion reddening slightly.

Mel smiled at Ant politely, before glancing towards the Joker. "It wasn't too bad, although someone did keep prodding me in the side and whispering, 'You have cookie lips...'"

At this point the Joker looked away from her, humming suspiciously loud.

Ant nodded. "Okay, well, glad to hear it! Everyone else okay, yeah?"

Everybody nodded, apart from the Joker who barked like a dog. Ant ignored him and then turned around to face the camera. "Oh, here comes Dec now with our new contestants!"

"Interesting..." Steph lowered her book, her brown hair fluttering over her face.

"Oh, I do hope its David," said Sami thoughtfully, adjusting her weight on the log and smiling hopefully at Ant, who winked in response.

"Anty boy!" Dec charged over and high-fived Ant, who crossed his eyes in response. They resumed normal expressions and then faced everyone once more. "Right... do you want to meet the new contestants?"

"Um..." the Joker tilted his head to one side, "If they're ugly, can I-"

"No," said Alfred firmly, "No bullying today, Master Joker."

"Um... guys?"

Everybody turned to look at Dec and Ant, who were standing next to one another with impish grins on their young faces.

"RIGHT, you lot, are you ready for breakfast?" asked Ant cheerfully, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm up.

Danielle nodded. "You betcha – I'm starving!"

Mel smiled at the younger girl. "Me too..."

"Ok – but first – a task!" Dec declared happily, ignoring the looks of outburst from the participiants, "Apart from Danielle – you're too young for this one, so you get to sit this one out and eat a full English breakfast – sound good?"

She beamed in response, nodding happily.

"Excooose me? I need bruh-ek-fust if I'm going to do a tuh-ask." The Joker frowned as he spoke, his expression flickering from dislike to hysteria.

"Sorry," said Ant unapologetically, his tone completely flat, "But I'm afraid everybody else is old enough – including you believe it or not – to cope without breakfast while you do a task! You'll be eating disgusting yet delicious foods later my friends, but for now..." he smiled charmingly.

The Joker skipped around in a circle, giggling, before then sitting on a log. "I want my knife, I do, I want my knife, and I want it."

Ant ignored this and then glanced behind him. Bruce followed his gaze and flicked a speck of dust off his suit before speaking in a velvety tone. "Problem?"

Ant looked uneasy and tossed the microphone from hand to hand, biting his lip. "Well, you could say there's a problem..."

"There's no plugs, I get it!" snapped Rachel, looking pouty.

"Uh... this is a jungle... I somehow doubt there's going to be electricity in the jungle, Rachel darling," said Harvey gently.

Her expression fell and her lips curved into a snarl. "I need a plug, now!"

"Um, well, if you go into the centre of the jungle were the wild bears are, I'm sure you will come along a bunch of plugs!" said Sami sweetly.

Rachel looked amazed. "REALLY?"

"Don't be stupid," sighed Gordon, folding his newspaper in a flourish.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Gordon, sweetie, it was a perfectly sensible question..."

"From a perfectly stupid person!" finished the Joker happily, placing a slug on Harvey's neck. He twitched slightly but didn't notice otherwise. Steph and Danielle exchanged a smirk but everyone else fell into silence.

"OK... new contestants!" Ant faced the camera with a cheeky grin, "We got a couple of late additions and here they are!"

Alfred smiled expectantly, but everyone else looked bored.

"Firstly introducing... Jude Law!"

"Jude... who?" the Joker shook his head and sighed. "Nothing compared to meeee."

"Not so sure about that, Clown," came a deep voice from the shadows, and Jude emerged himself, his hair flopping over his face and his eyes sparkling. Mel beamed at him happily and he returned the smile only too happily.

"Secondly... Ben Stiller!"

"Oh, bollocks!" the Joker cracked his knuckles, "its simple Jack! H-h-h-ii J-J-Jack!"

Ben stiller emerged slowly, a shy smile complimenting his handsome face. "Hey, guys."

"Hey there," said Steph warmly, "Welcome!"

Sami glared at her before fluttering her eyelashes at him. "Hi, how are you doing?"

"Not bad," he replied calmly, "I'm willing to endure humiliation on any means..." his gaze rested on the Joker, who turned away promptly.

Rachel smirked and looked Ben up and down before sighing.

Harvey looked alarmed all of a sudden. "I think there's something on my neck!"

"Let me put salt on that _muh-ark, Har-vey_!" the Joker poured salt over Harvey's neck and there was a pop, a squelch, and then...

"WHY DO I HAVE A DEAD SLUG RUNNING DOWN MY BACK?" Harvey leapt to his feet and turned a suspicious expression towards the Joker.

"Oh, I wouldn't knooow, _Har-vey..."_ the Joker licked his lips manically and he shrugged carelessly. "Why don't you ask _Ruh-achel_ why there's a dead _slurggg_ on your neck.

"And why on earth would Rachel know?!" snapped Harvey, crossing his arms over his chest.

The Joker shrugged, pouting, looking as if he was bored with the entire conversation already.

Jude and Ben exchanged looks.

"I wasn't aware this was what I was letting myself in for," muttered Jude.

Ant and Dec gestured hastily towards the camera man to focus back on them, and so he turned obligingly.

"And our last participant... is..."

There was a significant pause.

"These pauses make me think of Big Brother," muttered the Doctor irritably. Gordon nodded in agreement, his lips curling.

"..."

"Well?" Rachel was looking bored, and she reached towards her mud tainted Gucci bag, from which she pulled several files. "I have, like, a ton of law things to go through... I'm surprised you don't, Harvey."

"Ah," said Bruce shiftily, "That's probably because Gotham thinks their 'White Knight' is... deceased?"

"WHAT?" Harvey slammed his fist into the tree he was standing by and his expression contorted. "I'm not deceased?"

"Well, clearly," said Dopey sarcastically. Dani smirked at Mel and then glanced towards Alfred, who was munching on a bar of Cadburys.

"Mm..." Lucius glanced towards Grumpy, Happy and Sad. "So, how are the three musketeers doing?"

"I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE, I'M NOT A MUSKETEER!" Grumpy looked outraged.

"A musketeer..." said Sad slowly, wiping a tear from his eye, "I don't remember signing up to be one of them..."

Happy smiled widely. "Oh, Grumpy," he beamed, "Don't look so down! Listen, it's GREAT to be a musketeer. Do you know WHY it's great to be a musketeer?"

At which point, Grumpy shook his head.

"Because..." Happy shook his head. "You get to make up SONGS!"

"Songs? Oh Perlease." The Joker raised both eyebrows at the conversation in which he was listening to. "How pathetic are you?"

"I..." Bruce glanced towards Ant and Dec, who were still playing the drum roll. "Well? Who's our new contestant? Don't keep us in suspense, eh?"

"Our new contestant is..."

Rachel gritted her teeth.

"Sofi!"

At this point, a girl who was medium height with a slim build waltzed through the shadows, her hair blowing gently in the breeze. She fashioned a white shirt which had a picture of the Joker on, faded jeans, and battered converse. "Hi," she smiled, sitting inbetween Mel and Dani. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" she said to Mel.

Before Mel could answer, however, Ant had launched into a whole introduction. "Sofi is from the United States," he explained, "So if you can't..." he trailed off.

"Can't what?" asked Dani, "Understand her?"

Grumpy flailed. "Well, we have to understand you British; I say we do a very good job."

Steph spoke up at this point. "Hey, everyone has an accent and if you spend enough time with that other person then of course you're going to be able to understand them, grumpy." She snapped her book shut and smiled warmly at Sofi. "Hi, nice to meet you!"

The Doctor beamed and ruffled Steph's hair, to which she blushed.

Sofi smiled shyly.

"Yeah, you do know me," said Mel happily, "From Fanfiction?"

"FictionFan?" snapped the Joker, looking murderous while secretly eyeing Sofi, "What's that?"

Mel went red. "Oh, you write stories about movies and TV shows and books..."

"Has anyone written a story about me?" asked the Joker happily, sitting on Bruce's knee.

"Um... yeah... Infact most of the batman stories have you and Batsy..." Lucius did a weird gesture.

Dani's eyes widened. "You read Fanfiction, Lucius?"

"Of course," smiled Lucius warmly.

Sofi glanced at the Joker. "You didn't read mine did you?"

He danced around her in a circle, smiling widely. "Mighta done," he chided.

"3...2...1... and we're cutting to the break!"

"Phew," sighed Ant, wiping his forehead. "I'm severely in need of a martini."

"That's James Bond's thing," volunteered the Doctor – unhelpfully.

Sami smirked. "Well really?"

The camera crew turned away and began to recharge.

"Huh," sighed Rachel, "This is going to be a LONG day and we haven't even started yet!"


End file.
